Feeling slightly devoid of inspiration, last night I popped in some Pink Floyd and stared at a strobe light for I don’t know how long. I was hoping for an acid flashback, but I think I suffered a stroke or seizure instead.
I experienced a series of visions, or prophecies if you will. It is my moral duty to report what many will undoubtedly denigrate as crazed conspiracy theories:
–Sudoku is not a harmless puzzle game, but rather a Japanese plot to distract Americans at work. The economic effects are intended to degrade America’s strength as a world power.
–The growing ubiquity of Bluetooth phones, where it appears as if people are talking to themselves, is designed to make it more difficult to determine who is crazy and who is not. As more and more people go genuinely insane for a host of reasons, collective paranoia will set in as people struggle to determine who is and who isn’t.
–The purpose of Facebook is not just to distract Americans (like Sudoku), but to establish tailor-made torturous conditions when the FEMA camps are implemented. My punishment, for instance, will involve Jerry Springer shows, heavy metal and rap music, and the presence of people who say things like “irregardless” and “attentative.” For others, it will involve philosophy lectures accompanied by opera music.
–These camps will be filled in response to the coming civil war. Rival factions will form based on which co-host of The View people most relate to. Non-fans will be shot on site.
–The ultimate result will be rule by a New World Order. Not the kind associated with the Bilderbergers and the Illuminati, but by former pro wrestlers who performed under that banner.
–“Gangnam Style” will be the transnational anthem of this new regime.
Better start learning that dance now, sheeple.