Good Thing the Show Wasn’t SURVIVOR

Kit Daniels
Infowars.com; April 21, 2014

“A British woman has decided to have an abortion in order to increase her chances of appearing on a TV show, a decision which highlights the misplaced priorities associated with collapsing societies…”

She regretted ending the life, but said it was to honor the rules requiring one competitor per slot.

The fetus gave his/her approval:

 

 

God Bless America

I can understand going apeshit over saving money on toys like the Xbox,

but not

AFP
getting excited over things like water and rice.

These people are lucky they don’t have to worry about the horrors of obesity.

This chick has got the right idea:

 

And thank Jesus I can shop at

or
or, if I’m lucky,
And who doesn’t love a parade?
 
These people sure do:
 
“It was yesterday?!”
At times, there can be more traffic police than actual cars - even in Pyongyang

 And I love that I can buy these products:

 
It’s sure better than making such products.
 
Maybe they shouldn’t pray to demons.
 

 
 
Maybe they should have chosen to be born in America.
Fuck yeah.

 

I’m not sure if I trust this story because of the journalist’s name

I love satire because it can poignantly point out others’ stupidity and immorality, but this story shows that it can also tease out latent stupidity.  To wit:

GOP Congressman, Confused By Satirical Article, Goes After MSNBC Host Chris Hayes

The Huffington Post  | By  
Posted: 11/13/2013  

Rep. Tom Latham (R-Iowa) castigated MSNBC host Chris Hayes this week, calling him “America’s village idiot” in a Facebook post. Latham, however, ended up being the one looking uninformed, when he found out that he based his criticism of Hayes on what turned out to be a satirical article.

On Monday, Veterans Day, the Daily Currant published an article claiming that Hayes was personally disgusted with the holiday.

“I don’t know about you, but Veterans Day makes me sick,” the article in the satirical publication quoted Hayes as saying. “It’s just such a jingoistic, macho display of violence and power. I saw a parade while biking to work this morning and I literally felt like vomiting.”

                                       

And I Feel Fine

Washington (BW)-Anonymous sources on The Hill have leaked information that President Obama intends to address the nation on Thursday concerning the federal stalemate and shutdown.  His central message will be anchored in the statement, “Fuck it.  We had a good run, but we’re done.” 

After nearly 250 years, the last 70 or so as a superpower, the United States of America will officially dissolve on January 1.  It will be every man, woman, and child for themselves until, in another expected phrase, “Someone sorts all this shit out.”

Key points and comments are said to include:

–An admonition to learn Mandarin, because China is going to be pretty pissed about “the money thing”

–A bro-mide to Great Britain and Israel that “It’s been real.”

–A flippant note to Afghanistan and Iraq that “That’s how we roll, bitches.”

–A note to the Mideast in general to “Do whatever the hell you want.”

–An historical observation that “Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor did it fall in one.  We will.”

–An executive order declaring John Boehner the “National Crybaby” (for the remaining three months), as well as a warning to Rand Paul and Ted Cruz that Michelle is going to kick their asses the next time she sees them 

–An enigmatic claim to “his homies back in Chicago” that he has some “Magic 8-Balls real cheap”

As for Obama’s whereabouts and plans during this anarchic period, Hawaii, Indonesia, or his native Kenya are possibilities, but his private island in the Pacific seems most likely.  He will likely quote Jim Morrison as a parting shot:  “I’m gonna’ get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.”

 

 

“Won’t someone please think of the children?!”

Holly Madison Marries Pasquale Rotella at Disneyland           

 
“…Madison, who famously dated Hugh Hefner…”
 
This befuddles my wholesome conception of the Disney juggernaut, and I’m sure Walt’s corpse is turning over in its freezer.  As if the ascendency of Jews in the entertainment industry was not bad enough, the wholesome image the company has worked so hard to establish
is now threatened by its tawdry association with the pornographic industry of Playboy.
 
I’m not a parent, but if I ever become one, I’ll limit their media exposure to the ironic influences of South Park, Family Guy, et al.

What if her hijab fell off? It would practically be porn!

Iranian Politician Deemed Too Pretty to Hold Office

By

Nina Siakhali Moradi: too sexy to lead. Photo: Facebook

Next thing you know, our country will be electing provocatively dressed women like this:

 

The fact of the matter is, there’s only one woman in the world qualified to hold high office:

Would I actually vote if she ran?  You betcha’!

Whose Tag Is It Anyway?

 
 
 
[Note:  I have corrected the following examples for misspellings, of which there are typically one every 6.4 words.]
 
Anthropologically, graffiti intrigues me.  Where I’m from, it’s apt to be found primarily in bathrooms and to be heavily flavored with juvenility.
 
“Jerry Smith is a fag”
 
“Call Tracy for a good time; 555-3855”
 
“420 Rules!”
 
You encounter the same puerile graffiti in Baltimore, but you also find comments of the sort oddly juxtaposed with ostensibly inspirational messages.  You’re liable to see debates like the following:
 
“John 3:16; Jesus saves!!!”
 
[Pentagram]–“Fuck Jesus!”
 
“Be here at 4 August 20 for a blowjob”
 
(God forbid I should ever happen to notice that I’m on the crapper at the designated time.)
 
“I will pray for you all.  Repent!”
 
“There is but one God and Muhammad is His prophet!”
 
And so on.
 
Yet with any city, there’s a gang component that manifests a severity I never encountered in the half-horse town I grew up in.
 
“DMI 4ever”
 
“BGF!!  Fuck whitey!”
 
I may be a “whitey,” but I’m just here taking a dump.
 
And, of course, such edifying commentary is found in public places, not just bathroom stalls.  There’s one I see that pops up in geographically disparate places:  Radius.  The tags bear a unique calligraphic style that leads to the conclusion that they’re the work of one individual.
 
Yet what if Radius was actually an upstart gang of math-oriented nerds?  Their initiation would involve feats like memorizing pi to the 50th digit; justice would likely be meted out through compass stabbings.
 
Perhaps I will someday see the following exchange:
 
“All Radii are pussies!  Slide rulers rule!”
 
“Fuck y’all!  The Protractors.”
 
“Our sine is a beatdown with a graphing calculator.  Go back to pre-calc.”
 
With my sociological interest in sub- and countercultures, not to mention my tendency to occasionally consort with badasses, it’s probably best I abandoned an Engineering degree my first semester in college.  I’ve heard intellectual arguments between utilitarians and Kantians, between those who prefer Plato and philosophers more inclined to an Aristotelian perspective, but our discussions never degenerated into fisticuffs (or worse).
 
It’s just never been part of the equation.

I Forgive Him, but I’ll Never Forgive Politicians and Pundits who Can’t Catch a Football

Riley Cooper sorry for racial slur

Updated: August 1, 2013, 12:11 PM ET

ESPN.com news services

 

A video of Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper uttering a racial slur at a Kenny Chesney concert surfaced Wednesday.

In the video, Cooper vowed to “fight every n—–” at the July concert in Philadelphia. Cooper issued an apology Wednesday afternoon.

I’m Buying Tinfoil Tomorrow

Feeling slightly devoid of inspiration, last night I popped in some Pink Floyd and stared at a strobe light for I don’t know how long.  I was hoping for an acid flashback, but I think I suffered a stroke or seizure instead.
 
I experienced a series of visions, or prophecies if you will.  It is my moral duty to report what many will undoubtedly denigrate as crazed conspiracy theories:
 
–Sudoku is not a harmless puzzle game, but rather a Japanese plot to distract Americans at work.  The economic effects are intended to degrade America’s strength as a world power.
 
–The growing ubiquity of Bluetooth phones, where it appears as if people are talking to themselves, is designed to make it more difficult to determine who is crazy and who is not.  As more and more people go genuinely insane for a host of reasons, collective paranoia will set in as people struggle to determine who is and who isn’t.
 
–The purpose of Facebook is not just to distract Americans (like Sudoku), but to establish tailor-made torturous conditions when the FEMA camps are implemented.  My punishment, for instance, will involve Jerry Springer shows, heavy metal and rap music, and the presence of people who say things like “irregardless” and “attentative.”  For others, it will involve philosophy lectures accompanied by opera music.
 
–These camps will be filled in response to the coming civil war.  Rival factions will form based on which co-host of The View people most relate to.  Non-fans will be shot on site.
 
–The ultimate result will be rule by a New World Order.  Not the kind associated with the Bilderbergers and the Illuminati, but by former pro wrestlers who performed under that banner.
 
–“Gangnam Style” will be the transnational anthem of this new regime.
 
Better start learning that dance now, sheeple.