Lost and Found: “Looking for person to ‘lose’ owner”

This guy tattooed his dog, now it’s illegal: Right decision?

By John Luciew ; pennlive.com; 6.19.2014 

If I ever did get a tattoo, it would be something absurd like “Spice Girls rule!” (with picture), or a banal statement like “This is a tattoo.”  I think in this case the owner should be forced to ink the dog with an accompanying tattoo reading, “First, they came for my nuts.  Then my douchebag of an owner did this!” [with arrow].  

The frisking cop must have lost a serious bet beforehand

450-lb alleged drug suspect kept his stash hidden in his belly fat: police

By John Luciew; pennlive.com; 6.16.2014

“…was carrying a little extra weight. No, this had nothing to do with his 450-pound girth. It was the 23 grams of marijuana hidden under his stomach fat that police say they found following a traffic stop…” 

I’m pro-pot and all, but I think this guy should not be involved with anything that might produce the munchies.

…Or at least gotten a burger out of the deal

Baltimore Police Shoot Cow Running Loose in City

Don’t blame me; I don’t vote

Patients turn to fecal transplants to cure infection

By Meredith Cohn;The Baltimore Sun June 6, 2014

“…Fecal transplants involve collecting excrement from a healthy donor, screening it for infectious diseases, filtering out particles and mixing it with saline and infusing it into the intestines with a syringe, usually during a colonoscopy…”

Basically, a donor provides shit, it’s treated, and then used by another in an attempt to cure a problem.  It’s good to see that doctors can learn something from Washington.

Reservoir Dogs

Portland draining reservoir after man urinates in it

Portland, Oregon’s Mount Tabor reservoir holds 8 million gallons of drinking water.

“Oregon’s Portland Water Bureau is draining an 8 million-gallon reservoir after surveillance cameras caught a man urinating into it this week…”

One of my role models, Abbie fuckin’ Hoffman, jokingly threatened to dose Chicago’s drinking supply with acid during the tumultuous ’68 Democratic Convention.  Even in the hysteria of those days, authorities realized that such a feat would be impossible to have an efficacy.  Yet some bureautard in Portland decided that people wouldn’t want to drink such contaminated water.  It looks pretty; maybe the guy’s awe was such that he felt the sudden need to relieve himself.  Or, to be sympathetic to the city, maybe he had drunk a million beers.

Still, if I was a citizen, I’d be pretty damn pissed.


I Think We All Know the Answer


White doves released after Pope Francis’ prayer for peace viciously attacked: Omen or unfortunate?

 By John Luciew |  The Patriot-News 
January 27, 2014            
Pope Francis doves attacked Twitter
“We’ve seen it so many times. A Pope in the window in Rome, children at his side, as he gives his blessing for peace to the masses in the square. This was the scene Sunday as Pope Francis prayed for peace. Then two children released white doves in a symbolic gesture. But what happened next wasn’t in the solemn script for Sunday’s Mass. And it sent Twitter abuzz with talk of a bad omen.

“Those gentle white doves were viciously attacked by other birds, a crow and a seagull, as shocked spectators looked on…”

Is there a bird whisperer who can confirm rumors that the attackers were calling “Allah Akbar!” and were connected to the Canadian geese that forced that plane into the Hudson River several years ago?

Birth Control

‘Devil Baby’ Is Most Horrifying But Best Thing Anderson Cooper Has Ever Had On ‘Ridiculist’ (VIDEO)

The Huffington Post  | By  01/16/2014

“…Anderson Cooper showed viewers the ‘Devil Baby Attack’ prank which took place around New York City as part of a viral marketing stunt intended to promote the new film, ‘Devil’s Due.’ The minds behind the prank built a remote controlled stroller carrying a horrifying, demonic robot baby that jumps up and scares the life out of anyone who comes near it…”                                         

Many real parents were unperturbed by the baby, apparently missing that it was a joke. 
“Oh,” one mother remarked to her teenage daughter, “I remember when you were that cute age.  What happened?”
“Fuck off, cunt.”