I’ve seen humorous First World, White Man, Rich People problems as an ongoing Internet theme. But this has got to take the cake.

Jennifer Aniston sees confidence coach

By Indo Asian News Service | IANS India Private Limited/Yahoo India News – Mon 9 Jun, 2014

“Los Angeles, June 9 (IANS) Actress Jennifer Aniston has reportedly been attending sessions with a confidence coach ahead of actor George Clooney’s wedding as she fears she will run into her ex-husband Brad Pitt at the celebrations…”

This guy could probably use some work, and I’m sure he’d be cheap:

If he’s unavailable, I’m fairly good at impressions.  But I’m unprepared for the inexorable moment when she would fall in love with me.  Astrologically, the fact that Pitt and I are both December 18th-ers would compound that likelihood.  But I’m more of a Phoebe kind of guy.

Karma replied that complaints would, per routine, be directed to call centers in India

Agency apologizes for mattress ad depicting shooting of Malala Yousafzai

‘We deeply regret this incident and want to personally apologize to Malala and her family, Ogilvy & Mather says

“The agency behind an Indian mattress company’s print ad that depicts the shooting of Malala Yousafzai has apologized for the controversial spot…”

View photo


The controversial ad (Kurl-on/Ads of the World)


“Oh, Krishna!  This is bad, very bad,” the CEO said in private.  “We’ve really shot ourselves in the foot here.  Can we still do the one where bin Laden is so comfortable that he oversleeps and misses a big attack?”

“And no, you cannot play ‘Hangman’ in detention!”

Principal Calls Cops on Middle School Student Over Doodle

Paul Joseph Watson
Infowars.com; May 15, 2014

“A principal at a middle school in Portland, Ore. suspended a student and then called the cops after the boy doodled a picture of a man hanging, another example of the mindless overkill that is becoming prevalent in American schools…”

If he had drawn a sword, would they have confiscated the drawing or the pen first?

Reservoir Dogs

Portland draining reservoir after man urinates in it

Portland, Oregon’s Mount Tabor reservoir holds 8 million gallons of drinking water.

“Oregon’s Portland Water Bureau is draining an 8 million-gallon reservoir after surveillance cameras caught a man urinating into it this week…”

One of my role models, Abbie fuckin’ Hoffman, jokingly threatened to dose Chicago’s drinking supply with acid during the tumultuous ’68 Democratic Convention.  Even in the hysteria of those days, authorities realized that such a feat would be impossible to have an efficacy.  Yet some bureautard in Portland decided that people wouldn’t want to drink such contaminated water.  It looks pretty; maybe the guy’s awe was such that he felt the sudden need to relieve himself.  Or, to be sympathetic to the city, maybe he had drunk a million beers.

Still, if I was a citizen, I’d be pretty damn pissed.