I’ll visit New Hampshire before it gets cold, Iowa before tornado season

Obama condemns Hamas for breaking cease-fire
By Rebecca Shabad – 08/01/14-The Hill

Obama Condemns Israel for Shelling a U.N. School; Shrinks from Criticizing Hamas
By: Jake (Diary) | July 30th, 2014–Red State

Obama condemns killing of reporter, U.S. hits militants in Iraq
By Alexander Dziadosz and Steve Holland
BAGHDAD/EDGARTOWN Mass.; Aug 20, 2014; Reuters

The Wire: Obama condemns ‘brutal murder’
By Karl Kahler; 8.20.2014; San Jose Mercury News

President Obama condemns ISIS after beheading of American journalist
By Chelsea J. Carter; August 20, 2014, CNN

Merkel and Obama condemn Russian convoys in Ukraine
8.23.2014; DW

Lots of condemnation of unpopular acts going on by the Judger-in-Chief. Being president is starting to sound like a cakewalk. I just wish he would condemn cancer, earthquakes, and dropping food that you just spent 20 minutes preparing.

W., by the way, was advised to speak in terms of good and evil because they feared he’d say something like, “I condone the September 11th attacks.”

Since both make being president look so easy, I think I’ll throw my hat in the ring for ’16. (Because I’m going bald, I will immediately don another hat.)

Nimrods

Iraq jihadists blow up ‘Jonah’s tomb’ in Mosul: official
AFP–July 24, 2014
 
“After a couple days in the big fish, I could not rest in my grave for millennia.  I finally get start to get over my claustrophobia and chill out a bit, and then this happens.  Oy vey.”

My Favorite Beatle

George Harrison memorial tree killed by beetles
By July 22, 2014  The Sideshow
       
 .George Harrison was rememberd by hundreds of fans in Grifffith Park. A plaque was unveiled next to a tree planted in his honor with family members and special guests present. (Credit Image: Chuck Green/ZUMAPRESS.com)

“George Harrison was rememberd by hundreds of fans in Grifffith Park. A plaque was unveiled next to a tree planted …”

“Isn’t it ironic?

“A memorial tree planted in Los Angeles to honor the late Beatles musician George Harrison needs to be replaced after it was infested with real-life beetles…”

When reached for comment, Pete Best denied reports that he had been active in entomological experimentation.  Yet he could not contain his diabolical laughter when asked about his thoughts on Ringo Starr. 

Nyet!

Swearing off bad language: Russia bans cussing in films, books, music

By Laura Smith-Spark, CNN; May 7, 2014
 
Taping of MTV’s Real World:  Moscow had to be scrapped within five minutes based on this conversation between Kaitlyn and Codi:
“Can you believe they sent us to fucking Russia?  I hate that asshole Gorbachev with the funny thing on his head.”
“OMG, I literally died when I heard about this bullshit.”
“We need to get some more fucking vodka because I can’t deal with this shit.”
“I mean, like, I did see the Rocky movie where he kills the Russian boxer, so I kind of know a little about this place.  Oh, and I read parts of War and Punishment in Honors World Lit.  It was, like, so out there.”
 
When Sarah Palin learned of the aborted project, she said she could see it coming from her house.

A long time…

A conversation with my buddy Dan:
 
Dan:  I wonder if the Muslim terrorists have thought something through about their ideology.  When they get their 72 virgins by martyring themselves, each of these virgins will only be virginal once.  So, in the afterlife, their desires to have sex with a virgin will only be good for little more than a month.
 
Me:  I’d never thought of that, but you’re way off on your estimate.  Assuming they weren’t ugly, regular guys could easily go through five of them a day.  These sex-deprived nutcases?  The numbers are probably double.  So they’re only set for a week or two.  Within a couple years or even months, the objects of their desires will have that not-so-tight feeling.
 
D:  Maybe they could ration them out.  One a century.  But we’re still dealing with eternal terms.  Or maybe they miraculously re-virginate themselves.
 
M:  “And Allah said, ‘Let there be hymen’!”  
 
D:  Or maybe they just get new ones cycled in.
 
M:  “Here’s your new batch of bitches, Abdul.  Try to take it easy, though, because I’ve got other heroes who blew up buses to think of.”
 
D:  Are they heavenly virgins or ones who died on earth while they were virgins?
 
M:  Right!  Because if you’re an attractive girl or woman, you’re gonna’ get fucked or maybe even raped by age 30.
 
D:  And does the Koran specify that they’re female virgins?  I’m sure there’s a lot more male virgins.
 
M:  Yeah, like “Here’s your 72 virgins:  10 infidel girls, 10 true Muslims,” assuming that prepubescent girls are precluded, “and most of the rest are pimply-faced Trekkies.”
 
D:  Hey!  You know I like Star Trek.
 
I arch my eyebrow suggestively.
 
D:  Ha ha.  But I’ve never been to a convention or anything. 
 
M:  Deh noy ta Klingon?
 
D:  I know you don’t, but no, I never tried to learn Klingon.
 
M:  Shit, until a couple years ago I thought Klingon had to do with fabric softener marketing.
 
D:  I do know that you’re a Star Wars nerd.
 
M:  That I am.  I’ve even seen the scene that was cut from Return of the Jedi, where the Princess gets Leia-ed by Han Solo and Luke.  It’s known in the on-line forums as “The III-Way of Episode VI.”
 
D:  Oh brother.
 
M:  Yeah, and it was after she found out about that.  Yoda and Obi-Wan are watching and high-fiving each other.  And when Leia’s mouth starts to cramp up, Obi-Wan says, “Luke, use your Force on the Dark Side.”
 
D:  Geez.  You’re so sick I know you won’t be getting any virgins in Paradise.  You’ll be losing your anal virginity to demons.
 
M:  Thanks for assuming I still had it.  But you know how desperate I get for a drink sometimes.
 
D:  Uh, I think I’m breaking up with you as a friend.  I don’t want you coming after my Light Saber.
 
M:  Don’t worry, dude.  You’re too C-3PO for me; I’m more of a Chewbacca type of guy.
 
He attempts a groan of the Chewy type, but falls far short.

I’d even stay away from trains and automobiles, too

No relation, but there’s a young lady named “Amelia Earhart” who is seeking to replicate and presumably complete the famed aviator’s solo flight around the world.  If I had a name like that, would be the absolute last vocation I would consider.  I’d stick with something safer, like circus acrobat or Dick Cheney’s hunting partner.