Maybe these people could use some Comic Relief

I made light of his recent travails on this blog about five weeks ago, but I am a Robin Williams fan.  Yet while reading of the outpouring of grief, it occurs to me what a shame it is that there are not more comedians in Iraq.  Or Afghanistan.  Or the Ukraine.  Or Burma (Myanmar).  Or…

“These 69 times, at baaaaand camp…”

‘Sexualized culture’ cited in firing of Ohio State marching band director
By Des Bieler; July 24, 2014; The Washington Post
 
“…John Waters had been the band’s director since 2012, when he was promoted from the interim job…”
 
If you had told me last week that “John Waters” would be embroiled in a sex scandal,
 
 
john waters hair dryer


I would have come to a different conclusion.          

My Favorite Beatle

George Harrison memorial tree killed by beetles
By July 22, 2014  The Sideshow
       
 .George Harrison was rememberd by hundreds of fans in Grifffith Park. A plaque was unveiled next to a tree planted in his honor with family members and special guests present. (Credit Image: Chuck Green/ZUMAPRESS.com)

“George Harrison was rememberd by hundreds of fans in Grifffith Park. A plaque was unveiled next to a tree planted …”

“Isn’t it ironic?

“A memorial tree planted in Los Angeles to honor the late Beatles musician George Harrison needs to be replaced after it was infested with real-life beetles…”

When reached for comment, Pete Best denied reports that he had been active in entomological experimentation.  Yet he could not contain his diabolical laughter when asked about his thoughts on Ringo Starr. 

As Long as the Cowbell Player is Around, Your Job Is Safe

The song “Mr. Tambourine Man” was, of course, chiefly about drugs. He would have brought excitement and opportunities for enlightenment and spiritual growth.

Yet as rock and roll and, later, drugs lost their novelty, I’m sure the tambourine and its wielders had become quite passé. The role was surely doled out to those who had nothing else to contribute to a song. Maybe they contributed in other songs (like Clarence Clemens with Springsteen), were being sympathetically treated as obsolete has-beens (like Pigpen by the Dead), or were using their sex appeal to either titillate the audience or sleep with the boss (see Springsteen again).

“Hey! Tambourine guy, could you play me a song? Ha; just kidding! Go get me a beer when you’re done cleaning my toilet.”

A far cry from the tambourine player’s halycon days:

Rock on Robin!

Robin Williams back at rehab facility to ‘fine-tune’ sobriety
FoxNews.com July 01, 2014

Mental health professionals nationwide are mobilizing to deal with the situation. Temporary staff has been hired to attend to the quicksilver Williams, who requires four times as much labor as typical rehabilitation patients. Counselors who specialize in PTSD treatment have been pulled from counseling wildfire fighters across the nation, as they will be needed to counsel those who are counseling Williams.

Citing confidentiality protocol, no counselors overseeing his case were able to offer comment. Support staff, however, showed less discretion.

“I don’t give a fuck; I’m just a cleaning lady. I ain’t never really gave a shit about getting my work done too quick. But I sure as hell make record time when I do his room. Two minutes tops. I’m thinking like, ‘Just shut the fuck up!’ He’s trying to tell jokes about some Roosevelt bitch, Bill Clinton, and a filling station or some shit like that.

“Honestly, I don’t even do much cleaning anymore for him ever since I threw away a bunch of wadded up toilet paper next to his bed. He flipped out and said that it was the script for his next big movie. He then said in a weird voice, ‘I could use a stiff one right now.’ Then he starts saying, all crazy again, ‘Hey, did you hear the one about Jefferson…’ and I yelled, ‘No! And I don’t want to!’ and got the hell out of there.”

The overnight receptionist was more understanding, but admitted that his incessant calls throughout the night were a little bothersome. “A lot of them involve ‘Na-Nu Na-Nu. This is Mork calling Orson.’ Sometimes he’ll call, crying and apologizing for calling so often. I was actually kind of flattered when he called to tell me he loved me. The only call that really freaked me out was when he would not stop ranting about the bad reviews that Moscow on the Hudson got, blaming it on a feud with some Eggbert guy.”

The receptionist later admitted that she was on suicide watch, and that her Valium dosage had been doubled.

Williams’s entourage, meanwhile, is taking advantage of the break by having a team-building exercise in Iraq. “It’s really calm here, a nice change of pace,” said the Assistant to the Deputy Director of Public Relations.

Keep calm and carry on, everyone.

Nyet!

Swearing off bad language: Russia bans cussing in films, books, music

By Laura Smith-Spark, CNN; May 7, 2014
 
Taping of MTV’s Real World:  Moscow had to be scrapped within five minutes based on this conversation between Kaitlyn and Codi:
“Can you believe they sent us to fucking Russia?  I hate that asshole Gorbachev with the funny thing on his head.”
“OMG, I literally died when I heard about this bullshit.”
“We need to get some more fucking vodka because I can’t deal with this shit.”
“I mean, like, I did see the Rocky movie where he kills the Russian boxer, so I kind of know a little about this place.  Oh, and I read parts of War and Punishment in Honors World Lit.  It was, like, so out there.”
 
When Sarah Palin learned of the aborted project, she said she could see it coming from her house.

I’ve seen humorous First World, White Man, Rich People problems as an ongoing Internet theme. But this has got to take the cake.

Jennifer Aniston sees confidence coach

By Indo Asian News Service | IANS India Private Limited/Yahoo India News – Mon 9 Jun, 2014

“Los Angeles, June 9 (IANS) Actress Jennifer Aniston has reportedly been attending sessions with a confidence coach ahead of actor George Clooney’s wedding as she fears she will run into her ex-husband Brad Pitt at the celebrations…”

This guy could probably use some work, and I’m sure he’d be cheap:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ2HcRl4wSk

If he’s unavailable, I’m fairly good at impressions.  But I’m unprepared for the inexorable moment when she would fall in love with me.  Astrologically, the fact that Pitt and I are both December 18th-ers would compound that likelihood.  But I’m more of a Phoebe kind of guy.

XY Ambiguity

Nintendo Promises to Push Gay Agenda on Children

Progressive left has politicized same-sex movement and fashioned the gay lifestyle into a civil rights movement
 
Nintendo Promises to Push Gay Agenda on Children

by Infowars.com | May 19, 2014

 

“…#Miiquality campaign draws attention to a push designed to normalize the gay lifestyle in video games geared toward children, specifically the eight-thirteen year old demographic….”
I always knew there was something fishy about Mario and Luigi. What were their interests in saving the Princess? Fashion tips? And Tetris is clearly replete with homoerotic concepts.

I Could Nominate a Number of Musicians for Surreptitious Administration of this Treatment

How a brain treatment for OCD turned a man into a Johnny Cash fanatic

By Fred Barbash; May 21, 2014; The Washington Post 

“…A patient identified only as ‘Mr. B,’ age 59, was referred to doctors at a hospital in the Netherlands for treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) from which he had suffered for 46 years.

“He had made little or no progress with conventional treatment. So, in 2006, he was treated with deep brain stimulation (DBS), better known for making life easier for patients with Parkinson’s disease, but also used for OCD…

“…Before long, however, Mr. B would only listen to Johnny Cash — ‘simply and solely’ to Johnny Cash, the authors reported. Nothing else. No more Dutch songs, Beatles or Rolling Stones. He went out and bought all of Johnny Cash’s CDs and DVDs…”

Facilitated by speed, he began spending up to 14 hours a day walking a line.