Maybe these people could use some Comic Relief

I made light of his recent travails on this blog about five weeks ago, but I am a Robin Williams fan.  Yet while reading of the outpouring of grief, it occurs to me what a shame it is that there are not more comedians in Iraq.  Or Afghanistan.  Or the Ukraine.  Or Burma (Myanmar).  Or…

“These 69 times, at baaaaand camp…”

‘Sexualized culture’ cited in firing of Ohio State marching band director
By Des Bieler; July 24, 2014; The Washington Post
“…John Waters had been the band’s director since 2012, when he was promoted from the interim job…”
If you had told me last week that “John Waters” would be embroiled in a sex scandal,
john waters hair dryer

I would have come to a different conclusion.          

Rock on Robin!

Robin Williams back at rehab facility to ‘fine-tune’ sobriety July 01, 2014

Mental health professionals nationwide are mobilizing to deal with the situation. Temporary staff has been hired to attend to the quicksilver Williams, who requires four times as much labor as typical rehabilitation patients. Counselors who specialize in PTSD treatment have been pulled from counseling wildfire fighters across the nation, as they will be needed to counsel those who are counseling Williams.

Citing confidentiality protocol, no counselors overseeing his case were able to offer comment. Support staff, however, showed less discretion.

“I don’t give a fuck; I’m just a cleaning lady. I ain’t never really gave a shit about getting my work done too quick. But I sure as hell make record time when I do his room. Two minutes tops. I’m thinking like, ‘Just shut the fuck up!’ He’s trying to tell jokes about some Roosevelt bitch, Bill Clinton, and a filling station or some shit like that.

“Honestly, I don’t even do much cleaning anymore for him ever since I threw away a bunch of wadded up toilet paper next to his bed. He flipped out and said that it was the script for his next big movie. He then said in a weird voice, ‘I could use a stiff one right now.’ Then he starts saying, all crazy again, ‘Hey, did you hear the one about Jefferson…’ and I yelled, ‘No! And I don’t want to!’ and got the hell out of there.”

The overnight receptionist was more understanding, but admitted that his incessant calls throughout the night were a little bothersome. “A lot of them involve ‘Na-Nu Na-Nu. This is Mork calling Orson.’ Sometimes he’ll call, crying and apologizing for calling so often. I was actually kind of flattered when he called to tell me he loved me. The only call that really freaked me out was when he would not stop ranting about the bad reviews that Moscow on the Hudson got, blaming it on a feud with some Eggbert guy.”

The receptionist later admitted that she was on suicide watch, and that her Valium dosage had been doubled.

Williams’s entourage, meanwhile, is taking advantage of the break by having a team-building exercise in Iraq. “It’s really calm here, a nice change of pace,” said the Assistant to the Deputy Director of Public Relations.

Keep calm and carry on, everyone.

I’d even stay away from trains and automobiles, too

No relation, but there’s a young lady named “Amelia Earhart” who is seeking to replicate and presumably complete the famed aviator’s solo flight around the world.  If I had a name like that, would be the absolute last vocation I would consider.  I’d stick with something safer, like circus acrobat or Dick Cheney’s hunting partner.

George W. Bush said, “These kids just has to, they got to tough it out like I did during the Vietnam War, the Vietnam Conflict, where I didn’t, didn’t use any family connecting to keep me out of harm’s way. Heh-heh.”

Obamas want daughters to get taste of life on minimum wage

By Roberta Rampton; Reuters;

WASHINGTON, June 20 (Reuters) – “President Barack Obama and wife Michelle both worked minimum-wage jobs before they got law degrees: a character-building experience they said they also want their teenage daughters to share…”

They will be like virtually every other American youngster, knowing that they have to go home at the end of the night.  They will be treated like any other McWorker on the job, just trying to keep the family afloat.  What boss would give them preferential treatment? 

I’ve seen humorous First World, White Man, Rich People problems as an ongoing Internet theme. But this has got to take the cake.

Jennifer Aniston sees confidence coach

By Indo Asian News Service | IANS India Private Limited/Yahoo India News – Mon 9 Jun, 2014

“Los Angeles, June 9 (IANS) Actress Jennifer Aniston has reportedly been attending sessions with a confidence coach ahead of actor George Clooney’s wedding as she fears she will run into her ex-husband Brad Pitt at the celebrations…”

This guy could probably use some work, and I’m sure he’d be cheap:

If he’s unavailable, I’m fairly good at impressions.  But I’m unprepared for the inexorable moment when she would fall in love with me.  Astrologically, the fact that Pitt and I are both December 18th-ers would compound that likelihood.  But I’m more of a Phoebe kind of guy.