Two Double Faults

Roger Federer and wife welcome ‘miracle’ second set of twins

Reuters; 07 May 2014

The SMSM (Sentimental Mainstream Media) celebrates this “blessing.”  I will probably never give birth, but logic tells me that having twins would be approximately twice as painful as pushing out one.  I spoke with Mrs. R-Fed recently–we go way back–and she revealed that she was not at all happy about this.

“Thanks a lot ‘Mr. Greatest of All Time.’  I’ve not only got to do the most painful thing I’ve ever done–AGAIN!–but then have to raise these fucking kids alone.  Because what will he be doing?  Travelling around the world, playing a stupid game.

“The first time I was understanding.  I said, ‘Honey, I know you’re a grass court specialist and all, but stop driving your ball so deep into mine!  Why don’t you focus on the clay more?’

“The asshole, he’s like, ‘Oh, no, no.  The brown stuff, too dirty.  Too much clean up.  I don’t like the long play.  Hard work and don’t really know what doing.’

“This time, I said he had two options:  either he works on his stroke more, or take some lessons from his good friend Tiger.  If not, we’re Wimble-done.

“And I know someone who knows what I want.”

Andre Agassi picks Rafael Nadal ahead of Roger Federer as tennis's greatest all-time player