Working at Nothing All Day

I have confidence that the inordinate amount of time I’ve spent writing two books will prove worthwhile in the long run.  Yet I would be delusional if I did not acknowledge the possibility of failure.  Considering that I’ve never made enough money to bank anyway, the possibility of this endeavor ending as a colossal waste of time is not that daunting.
With that distinction in mind, I can say that writing (for me) is a quite easy and sweet gig.  I can chalk up any conceivable experience as “work.”  Since I write humor, I can regard watching Family Guy as “field research.”  On the other hand, watching an unfunny movie or program is a matter of studying lame attempts at comedy.  I certainly spend way too much time playing with my blog, but I’m effectively building a portfolio.  Since one of my goals is to write for The Onion, that is productive activity.  And any good or bad adventure I experience provides potential material for future books.
On that last note, I have to put the brakes on my creative daydreaming.  I will surely not write a third book if I cannot get either of the finished ones published.  Should that not happen, I will then resign myself to thinking, “At least I gave it a shot.  I guess my destiny is to throw boxes around in a warehouse.”
However, an interesting concept occurred to me last night for a future book.  I could find the craziest, crackheadiest bullshitter–which would not be difficult–and interview them for a biography in which I take everything they say at face value.  It would be like the polar (or bipolar?) opposite of investigative journalism.  Imagine the blurb on the back cover:
“Before the Men in Black stole Bruce’s cure for cancer, he was a gigolo to Hollywood starlets, and he is willing to name names!  This was physically demanding, as his concurrent job at the time involved being a Designated Hitter for the Dodgers–the only one in the National League–and doing free-lance work for the CIA.  Again, he gives details!
“After a concussion led to the realization that he was the Messiah, and that ‘Jack who’s sitting on the bench over there made his wife Jenny that bitch! leave him and that’s why his neck always hurts on Tuesdays and why the government’…”
Of course, “Bruce” would have to be willing to go on book tours and make media appearances.  If anyone likes this idea, they have my “permission” to use it.  I can help find such a person if necessary for the finder’s fee of a bottom shelf bottle of booze.  And pick up a couple cases for yourself; you’re gonna’ need it. 

2 thoughts on “Working at Nothing All Day

  1. As a fellow writer, I too feel that sometimes its a waste of my time. I too have unpublished manuscripts (5 in my case). But is do like your concept for this third book of yours. Here’s how I would tweak the idea. Instead of just one bullshitter why not write a book compiling the tales of several. You could tweak it to be a book on who not to get in a relationship with, or how to tell when they’re lying, or just open your eyes people slant. Women can be bullshitters too so you could have a nice balance between the male and female egos. Your marketing campaign could include a contest on which story the readers like best and why. That opens you up to a new book on readers who have no lives.
    If you ever want to write a rumor book on relationships let me know, I would love to help you ghostwrite it!

    • Actually, I just wrote this piece in jest. I think a 3rd or 4th would be a fictional (while inspired by real events) comedy of errors. I’ll just have to see how things play out.

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