And I Feel Fine

Washington (BW)-Anonymous sources on The Hill have leaked information that President Obama intends to address the nation on Thursday concerning the federal stalemate and shutdown.  His central message will be anchored in the statement, “Fuck it.  We had a good run, but we’re done.” 

After nearly 250 years, the last 70 or so as a superpower, the United States of America will officially dissolve on January 1.  It will be every man, woman, and child for themselves until, in another expected phrase, “Someone sorts all this shit out.”

Key points and comments are said to include:

–An admonition to learn Mandarin, because China is going to be pretty pissed about “the money thing”

–A bro-mide to Great Britain and Israel that “It’s been real.”

–A flippant note to Afghanistan and Iraq that “That’s how we roll, bitches.”

–A note to the Mideast in general to “Do whatever the hell you want.”

–An historical observation that “Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor did it fall in one.  We will.”

–An executive order declaring John Boehner the “National Crybaby” (for the remaining three months), as well as a warning to Rand Paul and Ted Cruz that Michelle is going to kick their asses the next time she sees them 

–An enigmatic claim to “his homies back in Chicago” that he has some “Magic 8-Balls real cheap”

As for Obama’s whereabouts and plans during this anarchic period, Hawaii, Indonesia, or his native Kenya are possibilities, but his private island in the Pacific seems most likely.  He will likely quote Jim Morrison as a parting shot:  “I’m gonna’ get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.”



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