Breaching Protocol

Just this once, I will cite humor from another source.  I’m paraphrasing and elaborating here, but I read this in Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar– Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes, by Thomas Wilson Cathcart and Daniel Martin Klein:

Dan, a man not particularly known for his religiosity, owns a restaurant that is in danger of going under.  One day, he hears a voice say to him, “Daniel, my blessed child, this is God.  You are to sell this restaurant for seven million dollars.” 

He disregards the anomalous experience until the following week, when a man walks in and proposes a deal.  “Sir, I see a lot of potential in this establishment.  I’d like to offer you seven million dollars to buy this restaurant.”

Amazed, Dan accepts and closes the deal.

The following week, he hears The Voice again.  “Daniel, this is God again.  You are to take thine seven million dollars to Las Vegas, in which you mortals commit many sins, and wager it all on a single hand of blackjack.”

“Please, God, or whatever this is, don’t make me—“

“Silence!  I AM God.  You know enough about me to know that I smite and curse those who displease me.  Do what I say.”

Wherefore Dan goes to Vegas to bet the sum on one hand of blackjack.  He draws a King and an 8, pleased that The Voice seemed to direct him toward a good bet.

“Take another card,” The Voice instructs him.

Dan grudgingly obliges, drawing an Ace, giving him 19.  He begins to believe The Voice is on to something.  Gamblers gather nearby in anticipation.   

“Thou shalt take another card; thus sayeth The Lord.”

Dan draws another Ace, giving him a total of 20.  He wants to rejoice, but he is fearful that God or whatever is setting him up for payback for some minor transgression that he had thought was forgotten.

“Take one more card, my son.  Rejoice in The Lord thy God and praise Him forever.”

Dan takes one more card, drawing an Ace, giving him a perfect 21.  He doubles his money, walking away with 14 million dollars.  For the last time in his life, he hears The Voice of God:

“Un-fucking believable!”



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